Reflections.

I feel like in the past couple of years, God has put me on a journey of self-humbling. When I was younger, I always had these dreams about being unattached to other people and travelling the whole world by myself. I was getting my PhD and things were going really bad in the program right before I found out I was pregnant. For months, I would pray to God, Please ya Allah reveal my purpose to me. Help me. Guide me. Show me what it is that I am supposed to do with my life. And then I found out I was pregnant. And here I birthed this amazing little girl who at 2.5 months tries to sit on her own, isn't beat to be laying down when she's awake and wants to stand up on her own two feet. Her energy reminds me of my own when I was young - head strong, stubborn, trying to do everything at once. She even tries to nurse while staring at something behind her. Through teaching her calm, I am learning it myself. Through raising her, I am raising myself, and learning for the first time in my life what a healthy relationship is between a mother and daughter.

Where Has Fresh Food Gone?

I wish it were easier to get back to eating fresh and raw veggies. I have been consuming Kashi cereal for some years, and just discovered that their products might actually not be what they say they are. The boxes that I consume are labelled with the Organic Promise. I am wondering if that makes any difference at all. I guess I'll go back to Cascadian Farm cereals. But it is really really hard to eat healthy green food. I live in Newark, NJ and I don't own a car (part of my efforts to pollute less). Yesterday, I walked to Pathmark, which is the closest local supermarket to me. The only organic options in the supermarket were prepackaged Earthbound spinach, arugula and mixed greens. I went through the entire supermarket looking for products that were organic and non-gmo. I came home with like 4 bags of groceries. There was almost NOTHING that was organic or non-gmo. There weren't any fruits or any produce in the whole supermarket labelled organic. This just further adds to the issue of food justice. In low income communities, there is minimal availability of organic options. When there are organic options, it's all pre-cut and pre-packaged. I really wish there were farms nearby where I could get the food off the ground, but the earth here is covered in concrete. What do we do as people trying to live a healthy life? Our government needs to intervene and not let these companies do whatever they want with our food.

Real Love

I'm sooooo in love with my daughter. Sometimes, I just stare at her and I can't believe she came out of my body. I find myself giving her like 100 kisses while she's sleeping next to me. I just want to hug her and be near her. I feel so blessed.

Rant on the ZERO weeks of Paid Maternity Leave we get in the U.S.

I am currently on disability due to post-partum difficulties. The government only gives you a maximum amount of income from Temporary Disability and once that amount is used up, you get no more income, which is what has just happened to me even though I am still disabled. As far as maternity leave, the U.S. pays maternity leave via temporary worker's disability at 2/3 of your income, which comes out of our taxes. Law provides up to 4 weeks prior to your due date and then 6 weeks for vaginal birth and 8 weeks for C-section. As a woman who delivered a baby just 2 months ago, 6 weeks is really not enough time to go back to work. The current set up does not really give a woman the opportunity to properly heal from child birth (especially if you tear or have epidural related difficulties or something else) or to adjust used to being a parent. The first month and a half, you barely get to even sleep. Never mind how hard it is to continue breast feeding, which has been proven to be the best nutrition for a baby, before having to return to work. Studies have shown that breast feeding is not only financially more viable for the mother, but it also provides a child with a healthier life in general. Most women do not get adequate time at work to pump breast milk, either, so many women wind up no longer breast feeding after returning to work. American Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months of an infant's life for optimal health. After 6-8 weeks depending on the type of birth, mothers in the state of NJ are eligible for Family Leave Insurance to bond with a newborn or adopted child if their employer approves it with job safety. If their employer does not approve FLI, you risk the possibility of being fired if you choose to use FLI, which comes out of the mother's taxes. FMLA which allows up to 12 weeks with your new born child or a sick relative is unpaid. In today's economy most people cannot afford to risk their jobs by taking FLI or to make use of the FMLA. I believe that instead of bailing out Wall Street and spending countless dollars on wars, our government needs to do more to protect its own citizens, especially our children. How can we expect our society to improve if mother's are not supported in caring for their children? I find it appalling that mothers are expected to be comfortable with leaving their 6 week old in day care or with a babysitter (which are both incredibly expensive). We need to value the family a lot more, and we can guarantee to raise much more stable, capable, intelligent human beings by supporting their mothers in raising them.